Chuck Winning as Zeblyan and Gary Glasgow as Ishaq in Two Jews Walk Into a War. Photo by Jon Gitchoff.
Its title echoes off-color ethnic jokes, but Two Jews Walk Into a War is anything but frivolous or tasteless. It’s a blunt, high-stakes dramedy that tells a timeless story, one that has been retold throughout Jewish history: a story of struggle, self-sacrifice, and faith. With their characteristic wit and attention to detail, New Jewish Theatre brings the incredible tale of Afghanistan’s vanishing Jewish community to St. Louis. Audiences of all faiths can appreciate this masterclass in human dignity and perseverance… and less conservative ones will get a kick out of some truly irreverent humor. It wouldn’t be a Jewish story without a few good jokes.
Two Jews Walk Into a War is based on the life of Zebulon Simintov (spelled “Zeblyan” in the play), a Jewish Afghan carpet trader who remained in Kabul long after his friends and family (including his estranged wife and daughters) had fled the Taliban’s persecution. He and his distant cousin, Ishaq Levi, were said to be the only Jews left in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, the two men hated each other; they were allegedly kicked out of a Taliban jail after the guards grew weary of their constant fighting. But the men were able to put aside their personal animosity to pursue a bigger goal: protecting Kabul’s solitary synagogue. They took up residence in the building and lived together until Levi’s death in 2005. Incredibly, Simintov stayed in Afghanistan until the Taliban overthrew its fragile republican government in 2021; he now lives in Israel.
Two Jews is set in the early 2000s, when the US invaded Afghanistan following the events of 9/11. The country has been ravaged by war for decades; gunfire and explosions are never far off in the distance. Ishaq (Gary Glasgow) and Zeblyan (Chuck Winning) stand in a lonely, decrepit synagogue, the only mourners at their beloved rabbi’s funeral service. Before his death, their mentor charged them with a nigh-impossible duty: to keep Afghanistan’s dwindling Jewish community alive. This plan is complicated by a few facts. One: Ishaq and Zebylan hate each other. Two: there are no Jewish women left in Kabul. They need to convince local woman to convert… but to have a conversion, fact three: they need a rabbi. Which brings us to fact four: they will also need a Torah, but the Taliban has forbidden all non-Muslim religious texts.
At first, Ishaq and Zeblyan do nothing but bicker. They divide up the synagogue a la The Odd Couple and blame each other’s parents for resettling in Afghanistan, of all places, after the horrors of World War II. Zeblyan ekes out a modest living as a carpet seller; meanwhile, Ishaq devotes himself to prayer and religious study. Ishaq is so pious, in fact, that he can recite the Torah from memory (down to the punctuation). This gives Zebylan an idea: instead of smuggling a Torah into the country and incurring the Taliban’s wrath, why not write their own? Ishaq agrees on one condition: Zeblyan must write, and he must write exactly what Ishaq says—no creative license.
Ishaq and Zebylan spend week after grueling week poring over God’s words. Zebylan, who had only “skimmed” the Torah, has questions about nearly everything he writes down—some serious, some not-so-serious. The Torah has specific instructions on the eating of camels, rock badgers (whatever those are), and about a hundred birds, but where does it stand on elephant meat—kosher or not kosher? And why did God forbid men from lying with men, but leave women out? Did He leave a loophole for lesbianism? The more pressing question, however, is this: why do Jews keep repeating the same cycle of destruction and displacement? Will they ever pass God’s endless series of tests?
Two Jews is an emotional journey. It begins as an unorthodox buddy comedy and gradually wanders into more dramatic, existential territory. At the play’s climax, Zeblyan and Ishaq realize the futility of their grudge and begin to understand and respect one another. They also realize that they are not, in fact, alone: they are part of a global family with thousands of years of history. Mr. Glasgow invests the strict, cantankerous Ishaq with both dignity and frailty. He’s a perfect foil and straight man for Winning, who portrays Zeblyan as a conflicted man who masks his fears and insecurities with cynicism and puerile jokes.
The J’s Wool Theatre is one of St. Louis’s premier black boxes. It’s just big enough to contain New Jewish Theatre’s sizable audience, its players and its elaborate sets. For Two Jews, the set emulates the Kabul synagogue that Simintov and his cousin called home. It features pillars, shelves, a prayer room, a heavy wooden door, and a stone floor that becomes littered with Zeblyan’s failed attempts at Torah writing; when one is rewriting the word of God, grammar and spelling count. Gunfire and explosions play intermittently over the theater speakers, shifting attention from Ishaq and Zeblyan’s vaudeville antics to the real danger they face.
Two Jews Walk Into a War runs at the J’s Wool Theatre (2 Millstone Campus Dr., Creve Coeur) from now until August 10. Performances take place every Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday (with an additional performance on Wednesday 7/30). Evening shows begin at 7:00 PM and weekend matinees begin at 2:00. Tickets can be purchased at New Jewish Theatre’s website, with prices ranging from $29 to $60. The experience will be a comedy like no other—a quintessentially Jewish tale of unlikely friendship, faith and survival. | Rob Von Nordheim
